Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

 I recently told a friend of mine, an aspiring Catholic speaker, that her testimony needed to include crying ugly tears.  And then, you know, stopping the ugly after about 20 seconds, regaining composure, and going on to convert the hearts of whomever is listening.  

The conversation made me think of this blog of mine, where I never cry those ugly tears, not literally or metaphorically or in any way at all.  I make everything look beautiful and perfect and happy, and it’s not.  Oh, my real life is so far from any of those things, and anyone who really knows me knows that.  But here?  It’s hard to draw the line between sharing and oversharing, spouting truth versus breaching family privacy.  So I’ll share the lovely, the happy, the enchanting.  We know that in any good fairy tale, or Ferry tale, there’s plenty of ugly and evil.  It’s a comfort that in so many good stories, and I hope mine included, the evil and ugly is conquered by good, love and Truth.  Just know that you aren’t seeing all of the story here - not even close - and that the struggle is the most moving part.

Today we sent William off for his first day at “real” school.  He was so excited to be there, when I dropped him off in the classroom I didn’t even get a goodbye.  My mommy heart two years ago would have been a bit crushed, but today I just smiled knowing this is the way growing up works.  And when I picked him up at the end of the day?  That smile was even bigger.

Why the change?  Homeschooling was/is going well.  William’s a smart guy, who excels at just about anything academic, and homeschooling him was pretty much a breeze.  We’ll be finishing out the year at home.  Yet along with all the easy came lots of hard, the struggle in the fairy tale.  Hard to fill the hours, hard to entertain the littles, hard to be on all. the. time. So sometimes?  You need a change.  I need a change.  Sometimes it’s nice to let the big kid be big and let little brother step up to learn how to fill his shoes.  And he does, and it’s good.  Not better, no, but different.

I’ve always loved changing things up - new shoes, new hair, new city, and I guess my momma style is no different.  So today we embraced the idea of change, of sending off and growing up, and seeing what fruit that yields.  And while I’m sure we’ll come across the occasional thorn, my guess is that the harvest will be sweet and plentiful.